What if ????

Good Morning beautiful people (which of course include myself)! hahahahahhaha

What if ???? That's the question usually asked by a low-risk taker like myself. I'm very cautious in all my actions, though sometimes I can't help but to make mistakes. Costly ones, that was initially taken for good reasons.

So....last nite,while lying on the bed with lights off just before I closed my eyes, I had this bittersweet feelings while staring at my little ones. She was holding my hands and kept herself closed to me. The ritual..just before she says her favourite line every night, "mommy... hug Iman". (like please hug me)

Its a beautiful feeling watching how much she has grown up before my eyes. Just how much she has acquired new skills (I'm impressed that she can now make her own so-called "paper boat" , when she merely fold the paper to dunno what shape. hahahah), words (countless and I'm clueless just where she got it from), and liking (I discovered she loves to sing, just like mommy. But not Anuar Zain's song just yet, but "ABC" or "Twinkle twinkle little star", choose her own clothes (whether a new one or even what to wear after shower. And it just drives me crazy when sometimes she chooses to wear pyjamas to birthday party), her favourite food / titbits (she's obsessed with m&m and cadburry and only drinks plain water...manis kononnya. Pelik kan when she actually loves chocolate).

While holding her tiny hands, this question crossed my mind... What if I don't wake up the next morning? What if last night was my last night alive?

• I will surely miss that sweet little smile that she gives me every night before she goes to sleep and every morning when she opens her eyes.
• I'm going to miss that addictive natural smell of her.
• I'm going to miss that cheeky laugh.
• I'm going to miss the way she would clumsily eats her m&m and dirty her hands,clothes and face.
• I'm going to miss that sweet moment hearing her say "Iman tayyyanngggg (sayang) mommy".
• I'm going to miss the way she holds my face close to her's passionately and kisses me on my lips.

Most importantly...I am going to miss just how much I LOVE her unconditionally!

Ya Allah! Writing this post alone brought tears to my eyes. (Hope nobody is looking because I'm at the office now). I hope I don't have to think about having to leave her at least for now. But...nothing is eternal! This life and even IMAN NADYNE is a loan. One day...sooner or later....we will be apart,certainly! I have to be prepared!

But....I hope I would be given ample time to be with Iman, grow old seeing her goes to school, university, graduate, dating, get married, build her own family and have kids. Im sure it's every mommy's dream just so that we can leave the world in peace knowing that our loved ones is taken care of.

To Iman Nadyne dearest....
I hope someday... when you are "big" enough to read my blog even if I'm no longer around, you'll be able to understand just how much mommy loves you and how worried I am to leave you. You were one of the best thing ever happened in my life and I treasure every moment I get to be with you.Though most of the times mommy is the more fierce one compared to daddy but that doesn't mean that mommy loves you any less. And mommy actually cries while writing this.....