On my priorities in life !

I'm staring at all the promotions, discounts, newly launched products and other similar e-mails I receive every single day. Regretting all my subscriptions because the temptation is just too much to abide! It's a tough call between needs and wants!

PRIORITIES! Abah's (my dad) favourite word. Abah always remind us (my sibblings) to know our priorities in life, prioritize things and do things according to the priority. Urghhh!! That word used to irritate me like crazy but not anymore.Thank you abah, for the priceless life lesson. I'm living by ze word now!

I have learned that people set different priorities in life. Like my abah, he saved up his money for our education (He bought loads of books instead of toys when I was a child. He didn't buy us the video player until I was 10 after seeing us enjoying ourselves watching videos at cousin's place, invested in properties rather than cars and refrain himself from travelling though he could afford it. At his age now, he should be enjoying his life, lepak at home, spend quality time with mak (but I doubt they would. hahahahahhaha), go travel the world or perform umrah (Mekah is the place he loves most). But that's not the case. He spends his time at home with his beloved children (US) and the grandchildren(so cute to see him joking around with little diva), prefers to eat at home rather than outside (he says mak's cooking is the best in the world) and will only travel when his children are around because he loves our company. But ever since my sister and I are married, he had to travel with the remaining unmarried ones most of the times.

In my case, my priorities used to be looking good in the best outfit, make-up and accessories that I could afford, dine in the best restaurant in town, travel in style with Mr.Hubby, yadayadayada..... But my priorities have changed ever since little diva came into my life. It is all about her now and forever! It's about ensuring that I provide her with the best milk, diapers, clothes, food, home, education, medical coverage, etc. I am now more cautious with my spendings just like abah! I ignored all SALE messages sent to my inbox or phone, I will turn elsewhere whenever I see shops with big price cut signs, I learn to enjoy "window shopping" which was never in my dictionary before, pretend like I don't care about Air Asia free seatings promotion on my e-mails, turn deaf ears to people chattering about their latest purchase, etc.  Now I truly understand what abah did for us. He was not stingy (as what we label him) but rather being mindful of other PRIORITIES in his life. He saves his money so that he could extend financial aid whenever his children are in need.

I'm grateful to have abah as not only my father, but also my mentor. He tought me well about life. Ima do exactly like what he did. Set my children as my priority and I will never go wrong with my money. I will save my desire to travel the world, unless the basic matters are taken care of (child education, insurance coverage, own comfortable house, food and clothes) and I have enough money to bring my kids along, put aside my longing to own luxurious bags that would cost me around at least RM2000 to RM3000 when all I have in my purse is less than RM100 :p, forget my fascination for fashion, perfume and makeup (which I'm not ready to give up justyet. Urghhhh!!!)

So, have you set your priorities yet? Get your priorities right before making any decision in life, okay! Do not attempt to be someone else when what you could afford is far less than what they can. Bak kata orang Melayu, "Ukur baju di badan sendiri". Renung-renungkan....dan selamat beramal :)))

Grateful me!

Hello weekend! Here we are again..... Got up "earlier" than usual because I'm overjoyed. That's how I am when I'm too overwhelmed with something. I couldn't sleep and eat too much. That explains the size right!

Anyway..today marks as one of those special days for Mr.Husband and I. We are finally collecting our new house key from the developer. A new beginning to the long journey ahead...insyaallah.

Alhamdulillah.....

Apparently, there are more reasons to celebrate, insyaallah. For that, I'm thankful for the blessings. After all the tears and sorrow, I finally get to smile again. Allah wanted to test me and I believe Allah tested me for reasons. HE wants me to be grateful , stronger and wiser in life! And it's true what this line from the holy Al-Quran says, which I will faithfully hold on to for the rest of my life! Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

Al-Baqarah : 286

Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people."

On a wake up call

Just as I have promised you.....here is the story about this little sweetie. So, as I was being so much of a tourist yesterday, I unconcsiously became more "mesra alam" (friendly) than usual. You know how I don't talk to strangers unless they initiate the conversation.

At KL Central station, this little boy and his mother got up the LRT and stood in front of me. I was smitten by his sweet face and the name that I saw on his school shirt. It says, LAZARUS. Never heard of it before. And so I asked..." So, your name is Lazarus?" He didn't reply but kept holding his mom's hand and smile. His mom then translated in Tamil...which I presume to be something like "The akka is asking your name". But the little boy still didn't answer me and kept smiling. I guess...he is either very shy or doesn't speak English that much.

But his mom was very pleasant.She looks just like any other ordinary Indian lady. Wearing t-shirt and pants and was carrying Lazarus's school beg and his drinking bottle. Lazarus was just standing easily next to her. I whispered to myself...typical mother. Always get everything done for their child!

I asked her...how old Lazarus is and she told me he is 10. Looking at the school badge sewed to his school shirt, I knew the boy is shooling in one of the Indian school in Brickfield. I asked the mother where were they from and she answered Wangsa Maju. I was surprised! All the way to Brickfield? I'm sure there are other schools nearer to their place. When I asked her ,she said the school Lazarus went to is a good school. Again...I whispered to myself...mothers always want the best for their children.

I started asking more questions. I later found out that Lazarus's mother is working and that's her routine every single day. Send Lazarus to school in LRT early in the morning before she goes to work and fetch him from school also in LRT. She told me Lazarus has no father and she has to do it all by herself. But it stopped there and I just didn't want to offend her by asking further about the father. They are staying with her parents and so the grandparents will take care of Lazarus whenever the she goes to work.

No wonder Lazarus looks very attached to the mother. His mother keeps rubbing his back passionately while she told me their story. Her eyes showed how much she is going through as a single mother and how Lazarus meant the world to her. I was touched by the way they would gaze at each other in between our conversation. It was filled with love and hope. At this point,I almost broke into tears but had to hold it. Come on! Not in a packed LRT.

So, in my shivering voice(because I was holding my tears) I told Lazarus in Malay as he might not understand english, "Bila you sudah besar, sudah kerja, you mesti mau jaga amma ok! Tengok macam mana amma jaga you and sangat sayang sama you " (When you grow up and start working, you must take care of your mother because she takes a good care of you and loves you so much). He nodded and pushed himself close to his mom. Man, now I would cry out loud!!

When I reached KLCC station, I gave my seat to them and the boy shook my hand and said goodbye. I really wanted to tell Lazarus's mother to stay strong and how much she has inspired me but my my lips were sealed as I was still trying to hold my tears.

That was indeed the most meaningful 20 minutes journey of my life. It was like a wake up call for me. I came to realize how ungrateful I've been. I whine about how unfair life has been to me, how I am earning so little compared to all my friends, how much I hate my work, complaint how hubby was not being helpful with the little one and the house chores, on how I need more money to raise my child and how much I want this beg, that shoes ......blablablablablabla. Now I realize that I have to stop complaining because there are many others out there that is going through far worse than I am.

On hubby's not really helping, I have to accept the fact that I have to tell him what to do rather than expecting him knowing what to do, because he doesn't possess that motherly instinct. It's better to have someone there for me rather than having to do it all by myself. On mother's sacrifices, I have appreciated what my mother has done to me more than I ever before since I became a mother myself. On single mother's struggle, I will now try to understand what my mother in law has gone through in raising up my husband and how sky high every mothers place their hope on their children.

For that....I am a grateful daughter, a proud wife and a dedicated mother! I love you mak! I love you Mr.Hubby! I love you Iman Nadyne!

Ala Kassim!!!

Lately, I have been actively chatting with my faraway friend on MSN massenger. Its really awkward in this stage of life where you will be spending hours online, chatting with your girlfiend. Well...it may not be that awkward to some people, but it is to ME!

Topic of discussion? Married woman in their 30s with kid...what do you expect? We shared stories on marriage, kids, and other GIRL stuffs like what happened to this guy...that girl....yadayadayadayada

The most recent one was about marriage basically. How married women always have problem with the in-laws and husband sometimes. At least I know I'm not the only one. hehehheheheh. After a long story telling and heart-to-heart session, she finally made me look at marriage matters differently. I love the fact that she was not biased though she is my close friend. She gave her most sincere opinion that I need to hear. Though most of her advice was not in my favor, but I really appreciate what she has told me. The most valuable line throughout our chatting session was "Marriage is no longer about us. Its about our child. So, whatever decision you have to take, please consider how is it going to affect your child" . In the end, after digesting what she has told me, I finally made a wise and valiant decision in solving the thing that has been bothering me for almost a month now! I am so much happier and calm ever since. Alhamdulillah....

Lesson learned :
1) You need to share your problems with someone rather than keeping it to yourself.
2) Share your problem with someone impartial . They will lead you to a wise solution. Insyaallah

Investing in Death!

Woooo!!!! Wait!!!!

Why would you invest in death? Im a muslim and I believe in "investing" in my eternal after-life by doing good deeds in my evanescent existence. But investing in death? How's that??

I came across a headline on MSN news about "Investing in Death" and it just captured my eyes instantly. Read this!

Blissful Memorial Park management executive Shoggy Teoh said investing in burial plots was a growing trend that made good financial sense.
“Burial plots provide a good opportunity for people to invest in freehold landed property - even a low-cost flat costs at least 70,000 ringgit these days"
“But with burial plots, you only need a minimum investment of 30,000 ringgit and, like any other property, prices tend to rise," he said, adding that one of their customers recently bought 12 burial plots for investment.
Blissful has memorial parks in Sungai Lembu, Bukit Mertajam, and Sungai Pasir, Sungai Petani.

NV Multi Corporation Bhd chief operating officer Au Kok Huei said the company recorded monthly average sales of RM25mil with “pre-bookings”, comprising 95 per cent of business.
“Making funeral arrangements is no longer taboo. In the last 15 years, more people have become aware of the importance and practicality of making prior arrangements," he said.
“Some parents even bring their children to Nirvana requesting burial plots for their birthdays. A large chunk of our sales comes from pre-bookings rather than actual funerals."

Au said "more than 70 per cent of the company's burial plots and niches were purchased by the middle-income group.These plots are below 100 ringgit per sq ft, so a single plot would be about 12,000 ringgit. The high-end plots can cost anything from 120 ringgit to more than 200 ringgit per sq ft," he said.

NV Multi Corporation manages the Nirvana Memorial Parks around the country. Eternity Bliss Enterprise manager Jackie Lau said single burial plots used to cost between 2,000 ringgit and 3,000 ringgit but the price had now doubled. She said unlike other cultures, it was taboo for Buddhist family members to be buried in the same plot, hence the demand would always be strong.

I'm not sure how to react after reading this. Speechless + almost laughing! No offend but it looks like NOTHING is free anymore these days, huh. Even dying cost you a bomb!

What if ????

Good Morning beautiful people (which of course include myself)! hahahahahhaha

What if ???? That's the question usually asked by a low-risk taker like myself. I'm very cautious in all my actions, though sometimes I can't help but to make mistakes. Costly ones, that was initially taken for good reasons.

So....last nite,while lying on the bed with lights off just before I closed my eyes, I had this bittersweet feelings while staring at my little ones. She was holding my hands and kept herself closed to me. The ritual..just before she says her favourite line every night, "mommy... hug Iman". (like please hug me)

Its a beautiful feeling watching how much she has grown up before my eyes. Just how much she has acquired new skills (I'm impressed that she can now make her own so-called "paper boat" , when she merely fold the paper to dunno what shape. hahahah), words (countless and I'm clueless just where she got it from), and liking (I discovered she loves to sing, just like mommy. But not Anuar Zain's song just yet, but "ABC" or "Twinkle twinkle little star", choose her own clothes (whether a new one or even what to wear after shower. And it just drives me crazy when sometimes she chooses to wear pyjamas to birthday party), her favourite food / titbits (she's obsessed with m&m and cadburry and only drinks plain water...manis kononnya. Pelik kan when she actually loves chocolate).

While holding her tiny hands, this question crossed my mind... What if I don't wake up the next morning? What if last night was my last night alive?

• I will surely miss that sweet little smile that she gives me every night before she goes to sleep and every morning when she opens her eyes.
• I'm going to miss that addictive natural smell of her.
• I'm going to miss that cheeky laugh.
• I'm going to miss the way she would clumsily eats her m&m and dirty her hands,clothes and face.
• I'm going to miss that sweet moment hearing her say "Iman tayyyanngggg (sayang) mommy".
• I'm going to miss the way she holds my face close to her's passionately and kisses me on my lips.

Most importantly...I am going to miss just how much I LOVE her unconditionally!

Ya Allah! Writing this post alone brought tears to my eyes. (Hope nobody is looking because I'm at the office now). I hope I don't have to think about having to leave her at least for now. But...nothing is eternal! This life and even IMAN NADYNE is a loan. One day...sooner or later....we will be apart,certainly! I have to be prepared!

But....I hope I would be given ample time to be with Iman, grow old seeing her goes to school, university, graduate, dating, get married, build her own family and have kids. Im sure it's every mommy's dream just so that we can leave the world in peace knowing that our loved ones is taken care of.

To Iman Nadyne dearest....
I hope someday... when you are "big" enough to read my blog even if I'm no longer around, you'll be able to understand just how much mommy loves you and how worried I am to leave you. You were one of the best thing ever happened in my life and I treasure every moment I get to be with you.Though most of the times mommy is the more fierce one compared to daddy but that doesn't mean that mommy loves you any less. And mommy actually cries while writing this.....

Food for thought!

I received this quite a lengthy e-mail from my best friend,Niki early morning yesterday. And quite oddly, I took the effort to read through the whole thing though it was a plain looking e-mail, unlike her other e-mail with Kris Dayanti's wedding photos. hahahahahaha. We are The Gossip Girls! Jokes aside...the e-mail was worth reading. Little that I know, yesterday was the day that God will throw a brick at me...

Read this very slowly and let it sink in...

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down

When he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared.

Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting,

'What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that
brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?'

The young boy was apologetic.
'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't
know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would stop...'

With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car.

'It's my brother, 'he said. 'He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up.'

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me.'

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. 'Thank you and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the stranger.Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: ‘don’t go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!' God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.

Thought for the Day:

If God had a
refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

If He had a wallet,
your photo would be in it.

He sends you flowers
every spring.

He sends you a sunrise every morning. Face it, friend

He is crazy about you!

God didn't promise
days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun
without rain, but He did promise strength for the
day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

 

If God brings you to it, He will brings you through it.

 

Ceciter....Ceciter....

Apa ke he nye ni Sin? Ceciter...ceciter...

Saw my friend's status on bbm today, "23hours to go. Panick mode". Well...she has been counting down the days for her to reunite with her husband in Oman. Hubby dia dah keje kat Oman for the past 1 year ++ I guess and she has finally decided to join him there. Yela....nak buat apa dok kat Malaysia ni dengan anak berdua je kan when hubby is earning so much (I speculate easily 8k - 10k per month). After all...life is too short to be apart too long. What is the point of working so hard and earning so much if you can't be with the loved ones. Memanglah absence makes heart grows fonder, tapi....takda la sampai bertahun2 kan. Bukannya dekat-dekat pulak tu.

I'm happy for her, tho it's kinda sad that I couldn't see her before she leaves for Oman. All the best to you, Juj! My close buddy back in university. I still remember how we used to "jaga" the hostel most of the weekends, since other friends went back home. I wonder why she didn't go back since her house was nearby in Subang Jaya, while mine was in Seremban. We were crazy about IRC back then. hahahahha. Funny! I remember there was one time, we took a commuter to Seremban and ended up chatting at a cyber cafe for more than 6 hours instead of me going back to my place. Crazy young girls!

Quite a number of my friends currently working and residing abroad and they are doing very well. Gaji puluh-puluh ribu semua (if convert to RM la). And what am I doing here??? Padahal dulu belaja sama2, exam sama2, joli pun sama2. Arghhh.....stress!!! I should have migrated too. Well....I thought of doing so before...but not sure what stopped me at that time. And now....after many years....I'm still a cubicle slave here in my beloved country, Malaysia. Besides earning so much, most of them are also very "independent" and "free". They are married with kids and living their family life as how they want it to be, rather than what is expected out of them. If you know what I mean!

Tak nak cita banyak-banyak la. Macam tak bersyukur plak kan. I'm happy for all my friends! I really do. All the best to all of you....wherever you are. Love you girls so much!

Sick Sunday

Have so much to say and write....but yet lips are sealed and hands are tied. Some things are better left unsaid.

It feels like a big rock sitting on my head. Could it be my migraine attack or just too much of crying? Im too lazy to think!

I cried not because I am not strong....but because I have been strong for too long.

Well.... if it doesn't make sense anymore, then don't lose your sense by staying.

I should move on......

Guilty mommy

My little girl is down with high fever since yesterday. Brought her to clinic for antibiotics but she is still weak and sick. Poor little monster.

To make it worse, mommy is not with her cos mommy has to work. "Do you really have to mommy?". I bet she has that question at the back of her mind. Well....she asks me a similar question every single day. Every morning when I carry her to the nursery or even the night before that, she will ask me and hubby , "esok mommy & daddy tak pedi keje kan?". My heart breaks everytime she poses that question to me. I run out of answers because she keeps asking me the same though my answer has been consistent every single day.

Is this what every working mommy has to face everyday? The guilt is just overwhelming. I'm caught in the middle. Working to provide the family which also means leaving my daughter in stranger's hand. And the fact that I have to make her to do something that she doesn't like, which is going to nursery is killing me. Does this make me a bad mother? Will she understand or will she hates me? Though I don't send her to nursery when she's sick, because I have my mother assisting me in taking care of her, but still....I am sure she needs me by her side. Or at least, let her stay at home with nenek and a maid and never have to go to nursery. But what can I do when I can't afford to have a maid. It's just too blardy expensive. RM8k to bring in a maid? What happen if the maid put a Houdini act after 3 months? Well...let's not get that far because I don't even have that 8k to start with. Poor mommy and little Iman .

I think little girl has so much to tell me but it has not been properly expressed because she doesn't know how to. But being the one who gave birth to her, I can tell that its a great daily ordeal from that body language. It must have been very depressing for a 3 years old girl to endure the 5days-a-week at the nursery, just like how mommy hates to be at work. But hey!!!! Mommy is an adult and mommy has to deal with this, but a 3 years old doesn't have to, right! I love to see her all bright when I get home in the evening from work. She started singing, dancing  and talking non-stop. But I hate to see her face in the morning when we reach the nursery. She will hold me tight and not letting go and start crying. Can you imagine how torturing it is to put up with this 5-days-a-week for the past 1.5 years now?? (because she stayed with my mom for 1 year)

As a mother, obviously I want only the best for my daughter and these days, the best doesn't comes free. And being in my shoes now, I feel bad and guilty because I can't afford to give the best just yet to Iman Nadyne. I hope one day she will understand that what I am doing now is the best that I can afford at this very moment.



Dear baby girl, just so that you know...mommy & daddy is working real hard to give you the best and that's our promise. We are really sorry to put you through this for now but better future is coming ahead real soon. We love you so much!



Wordless Wednesday

 Need I say more??? Hitting the sack now. Adioss...

What did I do?

Ever since I started blogging, I kinda open up myself to look at things differently, in different perspective, try to digest every posts I read and to read between the lines, even the simplest one, like what people eat for the day. And every single post that I read makes me wiser. I started looking back to my life, my achievement so far and what I could have done better to be in other people's shoes that I consider to be luckier. Don't get me wrong! True enough we have to be grateful for whatever we have. Of course I am. Alhamdulillah!!! But at the back of my mind...still I'm thinking....what did I do wrong? Or...how could I do it differently? Im sure many of you is running in my shoes too.


I started of quite okay...didn't do really well in school, but got myself enrolled in a private varsity and graduated with a not so excellent results...AGAIN? I had a culture shock when I entered the university. It was more like a re-birth moment for me. A SWEET ESCAPE FROM HOME...where my dad was. hahahahhaha. You know...my dad was being very protective back then. I don't remember if I have ever had any outing with my friends when I was under his regime. Poor me kan. But being a parent now I truly understand that everything he did was for good reasons.

After 30 years of life....only now Im starting to reflect all the things that is happening and has been part of my life. The journey was about the same with many lucky people, I believe.
1) Born to the world,
2) Kindy,
3) Primary school,
4) Secondary school,
5) University, (and start to enjoy PTPTN money!)
6) First love,
7) Breakup,
8) Graduated,
9) Start working (and you think ...this is it! The beginning of my career . Padahal tak pun. kahkahkah)
10) Fall in love,
11) Fall out of love (biasala. You start to meet many people while you work. So, you just want to keep your option open. hihihihiih)
12) "Thought" you found Mr.Right (Well, until you are married.hahahhahahaha.),
13) Got engaged,
14) Married (now you start thinking whether he was really your Mr.Right. hahahahaha),
15) Pregnant (and you start to appreciate your mom more than ever)
16) Give birth (you know the fact that you REALLY have to love your mom more)
17) Raise child.

So....here I am now. Raising my little woman, Iman Nadyne and trying my best to be a good mommy. I don't know what the future holds....but here is where I am now.

My point is... after we went through the same journey, we might just not ending it the same. And why is that soo???

BACK TO MY EARLIER QUESTION : Was it something that I do wrong or is there any way I could do it differently?

THE ANSWER IS : No. Not because we are unlucky but because it was fated. But of course, we can't put the blame on fate alone if we didn't work hard enough for a better future.

MORAL OF THE STORY : We can't change our past but we can change our future. So, thats what I'm going to do now, rather than feeling sorry for what I have become. Its better late than never people!

In memories of bibik Rani

Current mood : Veryy sad

Reason : Rani left us for good.

Who is Rani : Our special maid of 6 years.

Why is Rani special???

So.....this post is specially dedicated to our beloved maid a.k.a pembantu rumah, Rani. I REPEAT......pembantu rumah yer, bukan ORANG GAJI like how some people call them.

Frankly, I dont understand how some people treat their maid like a slave. They discriminate maids like these Indonesians come from other planet. I have even seen, some of them uses tissue to touch anything that has been touched by the maid. Crazy aint it?

For me, as far as I can remember, since I was small...my mother has never introduced any of our maids to her friends as Orang Gaji. My mom marah if any of us call our maid, orang gaji. My mom said, they are our pembantu rumah because they assist us with the house chores. Bukan orang suruhan kita. Though kita ada deorang, we still have to do and help them whenever we can. And most importantly, treat them as human because they are no different from us. Yang bezanya, cuma deorang ni a bit unlucky. Deorang kene merantau jauh....tinggalkan parents, and some of them even leave their husbands and childrens back home to be able to earn and provide for their family. So....try to put ourselves in their shoes and walk a mile.

Rani has been with us for 6 years. Dia jaga semua anak2 I and my sister's. 3 kids, since they were born sampai la my niece umur 6, my daughter umur 3 and my nephew umur 2. And I would say I am quite attached to this Rani for some reason. I am super comfortable with her. She even showered me during my confinement days. That open??? Hell to the yes! Apsal I comfortable sangat dengan Rani eh? Because she was part of the family. She sleeps with my little sister. She eats with us during our family dinner. She watches tv with us.She has the same tudung that we have. In short, she is no different from us.

Rani is special from the other 2 bibiks that we had before. Though they are times when we argue, especially she and my mom, but thats family. Macam mana kita gadoh pun, kita still family. When Rani told us that she's leaving for good, we were quite shocked and dissapointed though we knew it was coming. Yela....dah 6 tahun. Sure la dia nak balik, have a family, tolong parents dia kan.

Bibik left us on 6th February 2011. All of us sent her to LCCT on that day. It was a really sad moment at the airport. Bila bibik peluk semua orang and mintak kita halalkan makan and minum dia.Yang buat I sedih tu....cos kita tak tau bila lagi kita boley jumpa bibik. Maybe never again :( Bila balik dari LCCT tu lagi sedih. Bila balik rumah and takda bibik sambut kat pintu. Sedih gilerrrr!!!

Bibik.....u are dearly missed by all of us, especially my daughter, Iman. She always says "bibik balik jauh. Nanti bibik datang jumpa Iman kan". I went speechless. I am not sure how to respond. Anyway, thank you bibik for everything. If kita tak jumpa kat dunia ni lagi, di akhirat kelak ye, Insyaallah.

Jodoh di tangan Tuhan

Kecoh betul lately ni dengan cerita Fasha Sanda, Nora Danish and jejaka terhangat Malaya, Jejai. Uwekkkkk. Puhleasseeee. Its very sad to see these 2 undeniably gorgeous women fighting over a guy thats just soo not worth fighting! It must have been a sweet success for the heartbreaker,Jejai.




I must be frank here. Im Fasha Sanda's fan. I follow her on Twitter, tapi takderla peminat tegar kan. On the other hand,I dont really pay attention to Nora Danish's existence, until she got divorced by the MAN. I thought she was just a can-do cute actress. Well, not that she has proved that she can act ... but she got my attention for being a super hot mommy now. I don't see her as a cute little girl anymore, but rather a strong and tough single mother. It must have been tough for anyone....getting a divorce when you are carrying the man's child. I can't imagine how I would cope with that kind of torture. its crazyyyyy! But this petite lady did well and moved on with her life. Salute u, Nora Danish!



But I am not happy either....when Fasha broke up with that guy. Kesian kat dia. Apa la masalah lelaki tu kan? Fickle minded betul la. Isn't he sure of what he wants still? Nak yang gorgeous jer....lepas tu tak reti nak jaga elok2. As a woman, I will 100% say that the blame goes to Jejai. Above all, kita semua kena ingat....things happened for reasons.It should be a good lesson for Fasha. Biar dia tau yang....if that guy could do it to his previous woman, which was his wife and the mother to their son, what makes you think that he can't do the same to you? At least Fasha doesn't have to carry that "single mother" title, betul tak?

Okay...okay......enuff of Fasha-Nora-Jejai (ishh....nak sebut nama pun rasa nak muntah la), because this particular break up story is not what I wanna share actually. But since ini break up terhangat abad ini, so......I just quote je la kat sini. Nanti kurang pulak dosa kan. hihihiihihih.

I have learned something from a break up story of a person whom is very close to me. How?Since dia bercinta dgn a girl, dia dah tak macam yang kitaorang kenal. Semua lain. Infact, dia ketepikan semua orang, including his parents just because of that girl that he barely knew. Whatever actions he took was all emotional and not rationale. Cinta mati la katakan. However, after 3 years of mad love, they broke up and he's finally back to his family. ALLAH has answered everyone's prayers and returned him to the family. And thats the end to the longgg episode.

So, based on this story and even my personal experience, here are some tips to lovers out there:

1)Never go againts your family, especially your parents even you r soo in love ( yg dalam cerita hindustan tu semua tak betul. Nama pun filem kan). Why? Because in this cruel world, only your parents genuinely want the best for you. No hidden agenda. Though, your choice might not be their's, accept it.

2)Seek for true love. How do you know it is?Cinta ni ada 2 jenis jenis.
First : Cinta dari syaitan. Yang jenis ni la yang semua nyer masa bercinta indah. Cinta jenis ni dikuasai nafsu. Nama pun dari syaitan kan. Masa bercinta, dunia ni kita berdua je. Jangan pedulikan apa orang lain nak kata, though dia tau benda yang dia buat tak betul.Buat benda2 yang mengarut. Lari rumah, melawan mak bapak, buat dosa berapa banyak toksah cerita la.
Second : Cinta dari Illahi. Cinta yang ni la yang diredhai ALLAH and direstui oleh semua orang. You know its from the "above" when everything seems to be in place. You can feel that it is so genuine and pure from the bottom of your heart. And you know right from the start that you only want to make this person "legal" to you through marriage.

3)Think rationally, not emotionally. Bila bercinta, syaitan banyak. Yela....bila berdua kan. Memangla syaitan dok kat tengah2. So, bila bercinta, jangan ikut nafsu. Ikut Iman. Apa2 nak buat pun, ingat la yang kita ni ada agama. Ada Tuhan. Remember, nothing should be bigger than our love to the Almighty.

Above all that, please do remember that we can't go againts HIS plan. Jodoh, Ajal, Maut di tangan tuhan. Siapa kita nak kata pilihan kita yang terbaik? ALLAH je yang tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita. So, whenever you got dumped or divorced by someone that you really love, have faith that ALLAH has a better plan for us. InsyaALLAH...

The past 30 years

Hari ni tak tau apa yang nak cerita. Jiwa ni lately rasa sangat tak tenang. Astaghfirullahalazim. Nilah yang dikatakan bisikan syaitan. "Ya ALLAH, aku berlindung kepadamau dari syaitan yang direjam." I shouldn't have let my anger controls myself.

Tapi hari ni, seriously, sangat kelam dan mendung,except for my fabulous lunch@ Sushi King. Yummaayyyy. Kenyang giler. Alhamdulillah, rezeki Allah. But it sure cost a big hole to my pocket:(

Anyway,I have actually forgotten about my special day tomorrow, until one of my colleague came to me and wished "Happy belated birthday,Iza". Aiyooo....not yet la. Its tomorrow.hahahahha. But, thought that counts, rite:)

When I think of my 30th birthday tomorrow, I'm filled with weird feelings. It makes me think of the 30 years that has gone by. What have I done? Have I done enough to seek a place in Jannah (syurga) if I die tomorrow? Have I repent for all the sins that I have comitted for the past 30 years? NOOOOO.......I feel really sinful just by thinking about it.

Im grateful for these 30 years that was loan to me. If I can choose, of course I want many more years so that I can correct my past mistakes and devote myself to ALLAH. I pray to ALLAH to bless me with more years so that I can be a better :
1)servant to my creator
2)Muslim to my religion
3)daughter to my parents
4)wife to my husband
5)mommy to my children
6)sister to my siblings
7)friends to everyone

Ameen. Inshaallah. So, on this coming very special day, I should be thanking the CREATOR for giving me the wonderful 30 years.

2 down, 2 more steps to victory

10am today has been a step closer to my dream in owning my dream house. Alhamdulillah....semuanya lancar. The signing ceremony happened @ my office in PJ. Hubby and I sign punya la banyak paper mengalahkan pak menteri. hahahahha. I dah tak larat nak baca apa yang ada dalam agreement tu. Berpuluh2 muka surat.Sudahnyerr, I main saaaiiinnnn je. Harap2 nye ok la .

Bila dah maju lagi setapak ni, maknanya makin dekat lah ketikanya di mana nak kene start bayar interest kat bank sementara nak tunggu umah siap tahun depan. Mana pulak nak cekau duit ni? Nak bayar sewa rumah sekarang lagi, nak bayar interest rumah baru lagi. Feninnnnnn.

I have to start doing some math now. Macam mana cara nak tambah income and at the same time kurangkan monthly expenses. Macam nak pecah kepala ni pikir. Dulu masa belajar business math or even stats kat uni pun tak sesusah ni. Maybe cause they were all virtual numbers kan. This is like REALLLLL.Anyway, I have a rough idea on how to reduce my expenses. So, first thing first.

I'll start by surveying a new day care centre for Iman Nadyne. Kesian dia. Lepas ni dah takde lagi la pergi umah nenek dia pagi and petang. I pun makin lama makin tak jumpa la mak bapak I.Huwaaaaaaa:((( But seriously,RM500 is too expensive for me now. I seriously have to consider a new place for Iman:( I sedih gilerrr actually. Iman is very happy now, being close to her cousins and families, since nursery dia sekarang kat bawah condo my parents je. So, pagi2 I hantar dia kat umah parents dulu. Petang pun, my mom akan amik dia dulu before I sampai umah lebih kurang pukul 7. So, even if I have to work till late pun,I tak payah risau pasal Iman, because she's in my mother's good hand.

How I wish I dont have to choose. But this is life. Its always about making the right choice. Especially when it comes to our financial situation. Bila keadaan sesak dan terdesak tu, kadang2 selalu merungut and mulala terkeluar ayat2 macam "Kalaula aku kaya....., or Kenapa aku tak kaya?" Ayat Quran tweeted this today: "Syaitan menjanjikan(menakut-nakuti)kamu dengan kemiskinan dan menyuruh kamu berbuat kejahatan"(2:268). "Ya ALLAH, aku berlindung denganmu dari segala kejahatan dan godaan syaitan. Kau permudahkan segala urusanku di dunia dan akhirat". Ameennn

My determination

Hello Mr.Wednesday! Seperti kebiasaannya, hari rabu ni energy level memang bagus since dah tengah minggu. "Mood pun macam bunga" (quoting my mom's line). hahahhahaha. Semalam kan I cerita pasal my effort yang terbaru for extra income. Yela....kan nak masuk rumah baru ni. Banyak belanja. Nak bayar monthly installment lagi, nak renovate rumah lagi....macam2. All these have boost up my determinantion untuk kerja kuat. Kuat la sangat....:)

So, I dah strategize my business plan..chewahhh. Macam nak business juta2 la pulok!Apa2 pun dalam hidup ni... kena plan, be it small or big. I pernah dengar pepatah omputih ni " if you fail to plan, you plan to fail". So, I susun strategy baeeekkkk punyer macam mana nak memaximumkan income I through jualan prepaid card tu nanti. I harap2 jadi la hendaknya.And hari ni dengan rasminya I dah transfer top up kepada customer pertama. Complicated gaks. Maybe sebab tak familiar lagi kot. Lama2 nanti ok la tu.

I really hope ALLAH bless me for my effort to increase my income for my family. I just want all of us to live comfortably. I hope its not too much of a wish and prayer. AmEEnnnn

In Memories of Sheema Wahid

Macam biasa, pagi2 on the way pergi kerja, I akan bukak facebook untuk updatekan diri dengan cerita2 terbaru kawan2. And I came across birthday wishes dedicated to my dear friend that has passed away on 31st May 2010. And I terus wish arwah jugak. Whenever I think about arwah Sheema that turns 31 today, I can never stop from feeling sad for her and her beloved family. Sedih sangat, because firstly, arwah and her hubby was my good friend back in university. Secondly, anak dia sama umur dengan Iman Nadyne. So, as a mommy, I can put myself exactly in the situation. Imagine la, dengan Iman Nadyne yang tak boley stop calling mommy and selalu cium2 I sambil cakap "tayang(sayang) mommy", I could never imagine leaving her.At least, not at this moment.

Bagi siapa2 yang tak kenal arwah, let me explained briefly what has happened to her. Arwah was one of the many PTDs(pegawai tadbir diplomatik) that has to undergo the 6/7months training regime. Arwah was in her 3month @ Jugra Camp when she had high fever and bad cold. The worst part was, her request to return to her family when she was sick was turned down by the camp officers, on the basis that if she withdraw herself from the camp, she will have to repeat the whole course from the scratch. Out of desperation,arwah stayed back and went through the great ordeal. Nauzubillah.

She was warded 1 day @ Hospital Banting and keluar balik after she was found to be "fit". Though she complaint that she was sick and shivering, dia still dipaksa masuk dalam lumpur. Prior to that, from I heard, dia kena minum air stokin. WTF? Subsequent to that, she lost her consciousness and brought to the Hospital Besar Tuanku Ampuan Rahmah, Klang. She was in comma for about 3-4 days, if Im not mistaken, and menghembuskan nafas terakhir on the 31st May 2010. The worst part was, arwah's husband was called by people from the hospital, instead of the camp officers untuk inform pasal arwah only on the 2nd day after dah masuk hospital. I can't imagine how Zul(the husband) felt when he received the call form the hospital since he has not been talking to arwah for almost 1 week, and the final "gathering" with the wife was in the hospital, staring at the wife yang dah comma and can't even open her eyes anymore. Allah.......

I can go on and on pasal arwah Sheema but I shall stop here. I berdoa semoga roh arwah tenang di sana and digolongkan dalam golongan ahli syurga. Inshallah. To those yang mengenali arwah atau tak, sama2 kita sedekahkan al-fatihah kat arwah, sempena birthday dia yang ke-31 ni. Al-fatihah. To Zul and Hylda Daenia, semoga ditabahkan hati sentiasa.

My first post

Assalamualaikum and a very good day to everyone. Alhamdulillah....finally, dengan kekuatan yang ALLAH kurniakan kat I,berjaya jugak I complete kan blog I yang ke-2, sebenarnya. Hopefully this one will work.

Writing is my passion. I was just too lazy and kept procrastinating, thinking of what I love to do and what I do best. I should have followed my heart. Since I was small, I have started to write. Short stories / CERPEN(masa dulu panggil macam tu la yang I ingat). The thing is, It was not published. Kalau tak, I punya novel / cerpen pun dah boleh buat movie macam "Budak Setan" tu and kaya macam Ahadiat Akashah. hahahahha. Takpe...maybe jalan hidup I dah macam ni. I bersyukur seadanya. God has a betternplan for me, Inshaallah. So, I ikhlas menulis kerana ALLAH and hopefully my writing will inspires and touches many hearts. Salam....