To make it worse, mommy is not with her cos mommy has to work. "Do you really have to mommy?". I bet she has that question at the back of her mind. Well....she asks me a similar question every single day. Every morning when I carry her to the nursery or even the night before that, she will ask me and hubby , "esok mommy & daddy tak pedi keje kan?". My heart breaks everytime she poses that question to me. I run out of answers because she keeps asking me the same though my answer has been consistent every single day.
Is this what every working mommy has to face everyday? The guilt is just overwhelming. I'm caught in the middle. Working to provide the family which also means leaving my daughter in stranger's hand. And the fact that I have to make her to do something that she doesn't like, which is going to nursery is killing me. Does this make me a bad mother? Will she understand or will she hates me? Though I don't send her to nursery when she's sick, because I have my mother assisting me in taking care of her, but still....I am sure she needs me by her side. Or at least, let her stay at home with nenek and a maid and never have to go to nursery. But what can I do when I can't afford to have a maid. It's just too blardy expensive. RM8k to bring in a maid? What happen if the maid put a Houdini act after 3 months? Well...let's not get that far because I don't even have that 8k to start with. Poor mommy and little Iman .
I think little girl has so much to tell me but it has not been properly expressed because she doesn't know how to. But being the one who gave birth to her, I can tell that its a great daily ordeal from that body language. It must have been very depressing for a 3 years old girl to endure the 5days-a-week at the nursery, just like how mommy hates to be at work. But hey!!!! Mommy is an adult and mommy has to deal with this, but a 3 years old doesn't have to, right! I love to see her all bright when I get home in the evening from work. She started singing, dancing and talking non-stop. But I hate to see her face in the morning when we reach the nursery. She will hold me tight and not letting go and start crying. Can you imagine how torturing it is to put up with this 5-days-a-week for the past 1.5 years now?? (because she stayed with my mom for 1 year)
As a mother, obviously I want only the best for my daughter and these days, the best doesn't comes free. And being in my shoes now, I feel bad and guilty because I can't afford to give the best just yet to Iman Nadyne. I hope one day she will understand that what I am doing now is the best that I can afford at this very moment.
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| Dear baby girl, just so that you know...mommy & daddy is working real hard to give you the best and that's our promise. We are really sorry to put you through this for now but better future is coming ahead real soon. We love you so much! |
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